Mollie

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Too much to declare right now I guess. Plus I'm too sad and too drunk to even remember.

All I want to write about is Mollie.

I'm so emotionally invested in her and I absolutely shouldnt be because I mean nothing to her. She already has a girlfriend. I'm just locally convenient. I'm just a space to fill her hole. Literally.

It wasnt a problem. If anything, I was happy because I was getting what I wanted (sex and cuddles, laughs and sleepovers) without any of the shitty bits. Until tonight. I've slept with her 3 times this week. 3 times in 5 days and everytime I've stayed over. Twice I've made her come. Just me. No extras.

But tonight I think I fucked up. It just so happened that we were going out to the same place on the same night, so I saw her briefly. But I texted her before I saw her because Ben and his stupid fucking girlfriend came and sat with me and the girls for ages and despite nothing for him, it was still awkward.

She came to find me, We hugged and she went to dance. I eventually went to dance but didnt see her. Then went to the bar and she walked past, ruffled my hair and kissed my general lip/cheek area. Sort of a half kiss.

I was grinning like a fucking idiot.

Then I got a text. She'd left and hoped everything sorted itself out. Obviously this is in relation to Ben and my stupid fucking text message.

Blergh.

So I replied saying everything was cool and I hoped to see her tomorrow night at a social. She said 'like probably x'.

I've so fucked up and it's always a stupid boy's fault. But simultaneously this is my fault because what the fuck am I doing feeling things for her. What am I doing wasting my time on a girl that already has a girl .I should have just left it at sex and felt nothing. Now my friend are right and I'm sad.

It's a shame because I've liked her for ages and we were having so much fun and the sex was great and of course I wasnt going to pull anyone tonight with this massive fucking lovebite on my neck, which surprise surprise, is from her, from last night, where she accidentally called me her girlfriend and cuddled me forever.

Why am I not good enough?