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Friday, 21 March 2014

The thing with Mollie fizzled out because essentially she fucked me about, always picking me up and dropping me down.

I think we slept together maybe one more time after the last post and then there was Sexpose (a big event at my uni where dif societies do a panel show about sex) which was a pivotal point in our relationship.

Mollie was on the panel and I was sat in the 3rd row so we could see each other but if we were to talk we'd have to properly shout. Whilst they were waiting for the show to start, she caught my attention and was mouthing 'hey' at me, so I replied. Then she mouthed 'are you okay'. I felt pretty special because everyone in the audience could see her talking to someone and it was me that she was talking to.

Anyway the show was great and in the break she came to talk to me, only. (Later on, when speaking to friends that werent sat with me, they all assumed Mollie's gf was sat in the audience and that's who they thought she was talking to).

At post-show drinks she was the only person I properly spoke to, we went round as a couple trying to socialise and then I went outside for a drunken cigarette and she fully kissed me. My lipstick alll over her face.

We went into town with everybody else and she held my hand and touched my bum. Then she said 'were too couply arent we' and while I wasnt complaining, she assured me we'd stop and declared she was confused. Then she continued to hold my hand. At the end of the night, a few of us went to a friend's and underneath a cardigan, on the couch, in the same living room as everyone else, she touched me. She properly touched me for a long time. We got a taxi home and in the cold dark alleyway outside her house she informed me that we werent having sex.

Not having sex wasnt a problem, but we were fuckbuddies so if we werent having sex, what were we doing and why was I there?

I sort of asked her and she got really offended. She was just spouting shit like how she wasnt going to be forced to sleep myself. I tried to explain myself and we just went to sleep. The next morning she made me cum and made me a cup of tea. We were sat on her couch watching shitty tv. Then she laid down and patted the space next to her. We spooned for an hour and had I not had to leave for work, I fear it would have continued for a lot longer. So much for not being couply.

I saw her either sometime before or after this; we'd planned for me to go to hers after our seperate nights out. I ended up going back to a friend's with some others and things got a bit sexual. Long story short for this post, I got sexually assaulted and called her up crying because a) I was seeing her anyway and b) I didnt know who else to call. I told her I was uncomfortable and I picked her up and took her to mine. She joked at me, saying I had cockblocked her. We got back and I wanted to have sex to forget about all the shit that had happened so I tried to top her; she told me I was shit and went to sleep. From this post she sounds a bit awful, she's not that bad.

On Valentine's day we texted and then she ended up saying I could go over. I was drunk and not expecting sex as such. We were just cuddling in bed and I was laughing about how last time I freaked out so I told her this and once more, she got offended and was staunch that she was not being forced to have sex with me. We laid for a long time in silence. It was very uncomfortable and I offered to leave, but she asked me why and said I didnt have to if I didnt want to. So I stayed and eventually we cuddled again.

I had to leave superearly though the next morning so we didnt get chance to talk. I fully assumed everything had ended...but a few days later she called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to town for some food.

It was lovely just hanging out and we talked about the sex/no sex thing because I told her it was about boundaries and she said that was her issue to deal with. That was the last time I saw her alone. We barely text and when I see her in public, she is distant and cold.

I think she figured out that I like her.